Most people choose to take the path of least resistance but in so doing many great lessons of life are missed. Each difficulty, is an opportunity for great growth. Mary Kay of Mary Kay Cosmetics always said, “We fail forward to success.” Some of my greatest lessons in life were learned during tough times. Things grow better in the valley than they do on the mountain tops and so it is with our lives.

The most difficult period of my time as a mother, was during Desert Storm when my husband was sent into the war while I was home with four little boys and expecting child number five which would be my first daughter. I was not allowed to know exactly where in the middle east my husband would be stationed and what his duties would be. We made the decision to go ahead and get pregnant before he left because I wanted to try out my new found knowledge in how to make a girl. We had no way of knowing how dangerous my husband’s job would be or if he would return from the war.  We had already mastered making sons. I had spent months in research and study to figure out why I kept coming up boys and what was needed to make a daughter. My thoughts were that this might be my last opportunity to make that happen.  So, as you can imagine that was a very emotional time for me. As I think back on that trying time and what it was like to have four little boys to manage all by myself, the words that come to my mind are noise and mess makers. The boys bedtime was my favorite part of the day.  It was during those challenging months that I developed some organizational skills to try and keep order to my household. I was forced to find solutions to the chaos. Those solutions would last for many years afterwards. I established a color coding system where each child was assigned a particular color. Their toothbrush, cup, ball cap and several other personal items were colored coded for each child. I put color dividers into their closets so they would know where to put their clothes. Their assigned colored cup was most useful because it meant I would only have four cups to wash at the end of the day instead of twenty. The boys were taught how to help with laundry, sorting, loading washer and dryer, folding, and putting away clothes. I learned to make my own homemade ready made dry pancake mix in large quantities. I drew up detailed instructions with illustrations so the oldest could learn how to make pancakes in the morning. In the years to follow the color coding system was expanded to camping gear: sleeping bags, backpacks, and duffel bags to carry their clothes. It worked well because everyone learned who had what color. Little did I know their assigned color would later be adopted as their favorite color. This system simplified my life and helped to train the children to be helpers. I learned more about organizing a household during those months than any other period of my role as a mom.

The first time we attempted to buy our first home we were turned down  because of our poor use of credit cards and department stores charge accounts. That wall forced us to realize the value of a good credit score. We made the mistake of seeking a quick solution in getting financial counseling not knowing that would be on our record for the next seven years. Did it help us? No. It only further postponed us from buying  a house until many years later. We let someone else take care of what we could have done ourselves. Sure the bills were paid off over a period of three years but our credit score was not improved.

When I became stressed with the creditors calling and hounding us for a payment I sought out ways to prevent their methods of pressuring me. In my search for solutions I discovered my rights under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act so I could fight back and regain control of my life. I learned how to stop those calls even when I was behind on payments. I learned how to manage the debts. I learned valuable lessons on the ugly side of credit debt that would form my new attitude against obtaining credit.  I learned how creditors operate and learned how to deal with them.  I learned how to renegotiate the amount of the debt and settle accounts for less than the total balance but the biggest thing I gained was learning why having credit debt is just not worth it. It adds unnecessary, debt, stress, and wasteful expense.  Those tough challenges have been ingrained into my very nature the need to stay away from credit debt altogether. I have learned to live by cash and it is far less stressful. We learned to live with the principle that if we don’t have the cash to pay for it then we do not buy it. Sometimes that has meant Christmases with no gifts but that also has been good for the children to experience. We teach by example. I refuse to run up credit debt to pile gifts under a tree because society says that is how it is done. My children have learned that Christmas is not about receiving gifts, that the true meaning of Christmas is about the Christ who gave himself for us. Were our Christmases any less joyful? No, quite the opposite. My children have learned to appreciate the value of family, good food, warm house, comfortable bed and sweet fellowship. They don’t make lists of “I want . . . ” They don’t have the “give me disease.” They have learned to be thankful for the simple things.

Even when we think we’ve learned all the lessons we could learn on a subject there is always one more valuable lesson to learn.  When we had finally conquered the debt thing, and brought up the credit score over time and it seemed like everything was falling into place, the unexpected happened, my husband lost his good paying job. He was out of work for four months.  And the job that would follow was no where near what he had lost. It took some time to build back up again. Times like that cause you to do some rethinking of choices and financial decisions. When you realize that there is no security in a job and how quickly the rug can be pulled out from under you. You worry about losing the house that you have invested so much time and money into. When you are faced with the situation of possibly losing your home and haven’t the ability to provide medical care for your family it forces you to search for better answers. When the economy starts falling all around you it forces you to search for other means of providing for you and your family. You begin to realize the need for a backup plan just incase the unexpected happens. When you realize the comfortable living provided by a good job is not good enough nor secure enough to provide for the health, wealth, and welfare of your family it’s time to look for other means. It sends you on another quest of discovery. Seek and ye shall find. I think it is good for us to get knocked out of our comfort zone every once in while to shake us up and get us moving.

I am so enjoying this phase of my life. I am learning things that I never knew existed before. Why hadn’t I sought them out before? The reason is because I was too comfortable. I am on a new journey in my life with new doors before me so full of possibilities. I am armed with new knowledge and solutions to protect my family and pave the way for a better future.  So, I can honestly say that I am thankful for the hard knocks that life sends our way. We learn from them and grow the most during them. As the good book says, “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” James 1:2 – 4

I am overcoming the adversities life throws at me. The best is yet to come and I am enjoying the ride. ~ Debra Carmona